Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2017 9:07:20 GMT -5
#THELOSTCHILD 3.0
Every now and then, you have to let go. At least, that was what people told her. And by people, she meant her husband and one or two friends. It was new, the feeling, and on top of everything else, it made her feel uneasy. Despite how tired she was from all the bullshit, she was definitely now used to it. And that was really the worst part.
The moment when you get used to it.
Of course, her vacation had been cut short when she received a text from Finn - there was no debating staying in England when knowing he needed her. The past few days, she sat in a hospital, trying her best to keep her panic down, being nothing more than his sister, a person she knew he needed now. But, eventually they had returned home and she was forced to face her own demons. With Christian out of town for a business meeting and Isabella spending the day with Cyrus, she was alone.
Wasn’t that what you wanted?!
Yeah. No. Well, maybe. She had been sitting in the bedroom for the past two hours, with a heavy box between her legs. It was a shame that this box held nothing you wanted to find in your bedroom though. She referred to it as the ‘Letter Box’, and still, the only person she’d told about it was Dickie. She had avoided to open them, out of fear and anger. But today was the day.
“You can do that… .”
The box made a little noise when she opened it, looking down at the feminine, script-like handwriting; all delicate and somewhat unsure in its penmanship. The writer seemed unsure and nervous, which was understandable. If that person was indeed her mother, she had no space in her life.
But, she would never get to read the bigger box as there was a soft knock on the door. One of their staff stood outside with another letter in her hand. Elena lifted herself from the huge bed, taking the letter before closing the door again. Looking at the letter from every angle, she noticed one small detail. It was stamped in California, not London.
Her heart skipped a few beats while she tore open the envelope and read through the words. Slowly. Carefully. Trying to not miss anything, afraid that the words would vanish when she took her eyes off of it. The expression on her face was hard to read, focused to say the least.
You kidding me?!
This woman, Margaret Elizabeth Edwards, was in the building the night she won the SCUV Television Title. Among the crowd like a goddamn stalker. There were three things Elena had zero tolerance for.
Lies. Idiocy. Self pity.
“Really? So everyone wants fucking forgiveness? Everyone is in the fucking right? Everyone but me - noted. Sorry, I couldn’t be around when you were a baby, I was a dumb cunt that got pregnant when I was fifteen. Sorry, I hate you because you are not settling for a social media back and forth. And on top, sorry I can’t concentrate on a title match because I’m too busy measuring lengths with a ghost on social media.”
She got up with way more spunk than she had expected herself, placing the letter to the others before slamming the box shut. Moments later it vanished inside her nightstand, and it was as if she heard it mocking her.
“Fine. Let’s run pity boulevard, shall we? If you don’t want a kid, use a condom. If you wanna have an adult talk, find me, don’t play keyboard ninja. And if you are given a title chance, focus on it. Not that someone like Damon Xalvador would know anything about this, right?” She paced from one wall to the other. “But who am I to judge? I’m just holding this title warm. No one seems to notice it. My muscles are weak. My mind is currently splattered in so many directions. My focus shattered.”
She stopped in the middle of her movement, laughing. Not quite aware why she was laughing in the first place, but it felt like an uncontrollable urge. The truth was, it was way easier to concentrate on business than her real problems.
“But leaving all these things aside, what do you have? A damn pissed off female that is ready to set the world on fire. And they are all part of this world. They think I can be worn down if they are just persistent enough. I might have to let the cat out of the bag finally. I am a masochistic cunt. I love to inflict pain, why do you think I am a submission specialist? Fifty shades of fucked up… .”
Her tirade was stopped when she heard the motor of a car. Looking out of the window she spotted Finn’s vehicle, rolling up to the house where it hadn’t been for weeks. For just a split second, she was relieved to see him, but then the facade started to crumble. Elena was furious.
Well done, Callien.
Her eyes rested on the young man as a little longer as he slammed his car door shut and headed into his house before she shut the curtain, leaving the room. Without hesitation, she went immediately down to the gym, the only place where she wouldn’t ever be disturbed. No matter how loud the music would blast, or how many hours she remained down here, no one would come for her. Her heart was beating in an unnatural rhythm when she began doing her routine. Out of sync. Like her life - not that anyone would notice.
“They really think they can keep fucking me over, dictating my every step… .”
She pressed that out between her teeth while walking towards the weights. One of her least favourite things to do, lifting. Nonetheless she began, counting in her head. Sets of twelve, flies, raises, curls. It was when the music took its turn, that she did too. Without any form of warning, she threw one of the weights towards the wall, leaving a hole. And another.
Ever wondered what madness looks like?
It took less than five minutes to turn the whole thing upside down, caring little about how much work and money Christian had put into this. She kept hitting things, breaking stuff apart. Machines overturned in her anger, dents and holes from tossed weights. Some of the electricity fell out, causing the headlights to flicker.
“It is just another lesson learned: Do not put your hopes in other people!”
Even though she was alone, her voice was reaching a new level of rage. Mixed with the music, she didn’t notice anything around her. Not even when the door opened and her lanky, good-for-nothing, useless brother walked in, just quickly enough ducking out of the way and escaping one of the weights. His eyes were widened with surprise and maybe even a little panic.
“El… .”
And then she saw him. The rest of the world had become black, all her focus was on him. She didn’t walk closer, but stopped in her movement. Her eyes narrowed intently.
“Look who made it home… no wait, temporary home. Till you fuck off again running after that manipulative piece of shit. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how she has her claws in you again, or how badly she wanted to open her square mouth at the hospital. It’s just what she does in her little ‘everyone dislikes me’ world. Guess what, Finn? I don’t give a fuck about it. “
The surprise on his face wasn’t fading - if anything, it grew.
“I’ve been a good sister. I’ve made mistakes, but none of them ever bad enough that I couldn’t look in the mirror anymore. Dickie or you screamed, and I came running, leaving my husband, leaving my kid. Got myself in danger, for all of you.” She looked at him with those dark eyes. “And I would do it again. But did any of you ever ask what I need? No. You expect me to open up when I have to find out about your fuck ups myself.”
“Elena, I… .”
She let out a growl into his direction, kicking some of the trainings supplements aside. She stalked a few steps closer, her hands on her hips, like a lioness surveying prey.
“No. I don’t wanna hear that right now, okay? Your excuses. I hate to tell you, but some of this you really brought upon yourself. I am used to being your number two and I never opened a fuss about it. But, I will not tolerate being accused of ruining your blissful married life. You hear me, Callien? You and her managed to do that yourself. Not me. Not Dickie. Not everything around. I was willing to just stay quiet, let you figure it out yourself. But when I needed you the most… you decided to walk away.”
“I had to… Kei and… .”
She laughed. Once again, a kind of laughter that would make everyone uneasy, and it had that effect on Finn too. One thing went without saying: he’d never seen her like this. She was a paragon of peace, a calm and collected woman, hardly ever complaining.
“We all make fucked up decisions, but you seem to top the rest of us. You knew what kind of person Kei is, but you still let him lead you into the dust. I’ll let you in on a secret: the dirt will never wash off of your hands, no matter how hard you scrub. But even when I found out what you did behind my back, I stayed. I tried to understand your situation and told myself, ‘Hey, that is your Finn. He probably didn’t have any other choice. He is a good guy. The same guy that you would hang out with so many years back. Spending all your time together’, till he never came back. But the truth is, we always have a choice. But most of the time, we walk the easy way.”
“Nothing about this was easy.” Finn’s voice rose, but it wasn’t in argument. He was trying to explain. To make excuses again. “I’m trying to fix all of this, El!”
“But that is the problem, some things you can’t fix! You can’t rip someone apart and then expect them to put it back together as if nothing has ever happened. I am a lot of things, Callien, but I am not idiot. You left me for selfish reasons. You didn’t wanna deal with the uncomfortable questions I would have shot your way.” She hadn’t noticed that her feet kept walking, almost standing in front of him. “So, you took the easy way out, running to her. Letting her pat your ego because that is what she does. Why? Because she wants you back. But for what price? Letting your niece down. Letting me down. That is the difference: I put all of you above my own wishes. I don’t bother you with my bullshit, because I know that in the end no one can help me… .”
Suddenly her voice became softer and her eyes a little watery. Elena felt the tears, but wasn’t ready to let them out. She felt really tired, her body began to shake. The pressure was gone. The anger fading, which was the only thing that had kept her up for so long.
“I am so done, Callien. I’ve got nothing more to give to either of you. I spend my days running around, wearing a fake smile for all of you. You used to know when I was pretending, you were the only one. But now, it seems like you don’t know me at all anymore.”
Right in front of his eyes, she broke, whether he knew it or not. Thinking back herself, she had only cried three times in her life. First time was when he didn’t come back to England. Second time, when they told her that her career was over. And the third time, when her daughter was born. But in this very moment, she couldn’t stop herself. It was either that or throwing up on his shoes.
Her body went completely numb, her mind exhausted. Her stomach churned. She could hear nothing, could see nothing behind those closed dark eyes. She felt as if she could shatter into pieces. But somehow, she noticed him wrapping his arms around her. And she allowed it. Letting him hold her together, because she couldn’t even do it herself now. Neither of them knew how long they stood there in this position. Her breathing became more relaxed, and without warning, she poked him in the ribs.
“You suck.”
“I know.”
You gotta tell him.
I will.
Every now and then, you have to let go. At least, that was what people told her. And by people, she meant her husband and one or two friends. It was new, the feeling, and on top of everything else, it made her feel uneasy. Despite how tired she was from all the bullshit, she was definitely now used to it. And that was really the worst part.
The moment when you get used to it.
Of course, her vacation had been cut short when she received a text from Finn - there was no debating staying in England when knowing he needed her. The past few days, she sat in a hospital, trying her best to keep her panic down, being nothing more than his sister, a person she knew he needed now. But, eventually they had returned home and she was forced to face her own demons. With Christian out of town for a business meeting and Isabella spending the day with Cyrus, she was alone.
Wasn’t that what you wanted?!
Yeah. No. Well, maybe. She had been sitting in the bedroom for the past two hours, with a heavy box between her legs. It was a shame that this box held nothing you wanted to find in your bedroom though. She referred to it as the ‘Letter Box’, and still, the only person she’d told about it was Dickie. She had avoided to open them, out of fear and anger. But today was the day.
“You can do that… .”
The box made a little noise when she opened it, looking down at the feminine, script-like handwriting; all delicate and somewhat unsure in its penmanship. The writer seemed unsure and nervous, which was understandable. If that person was indeed her mother, she had no space in her life.
But, she would never get to read the bigger box as there was a soft knock on the door. One of their staff stood outside with another letter in her hand. Elena lifted herself from the huge bed, taking the letter before closing the door again. Looking at the letter from every angle, she noticed one small detail. It was stamped in California, not London.
Her heart skipped a few beats while she tore open the envelope and read through the words. Slowly. Carefully. Trying to not miss anything, afraid that the words would vanish when she took her eyes off of it. The expression on her face was hard to read, focused to say the least.
You kidding me?!
This woman, Margaret Elizabeth Edwards, was in the building the night she won the SCUV Television Title. Among the crowd like a goddamn stalker. There were three things Elena had zero tolerance for.
Lies. Idiocy. Self pity.
“Really? So everyone wants fucking forgiveness? Everyone is in the fucking right? Everyone but me - noted. Sorry, I couldn’t be around when you were a baby, I was a dumb cunt that got pregnant when I was fifteen. Sorry, I hate you because you are not settling for a social media back and forth. And on top, sorry I can’t concentrate on a title match because I’m too busy measuring lengths with a ghost on social media.”
She got up with way more spunk than she had expected herself, placing the letter to the others before slamming the box shut. Moments later it vanished inside her nightstand, and it was as if she heard it mocking her.
“Fine. Let’s run pity boulevard, shall we? If you don’t want a kid, use a condom. If you wanna have an adult talk, find me, don’t play keyboard ninja. And if you are given a title chance, focus on it. Not that someone like Damon Xalvador would know anything about this, right?” She paced from one wall to the other. “But who am I to judge? I’m just holding this title warm. No one seems to notice it. My muscles are weak. My mind is currently splattered in so many directions. My focus shattered.”
She stopped in the middle of her movement, laughing. Not quite aware why she was laughing in the first place, but it felt like an uncontrollable urge. The truth was, it was way easier to concentrate on business than her real problems.
“But leaving all these things aside, what do you have? A damn pissed off female that is ready to set the world on fire. And they are all part of this world. They think I can be worn down if they are just persistent enough. I might have to let the cat out of the bag finally. I am a masochistic cunt. I love to inflict pain, why do you think I am a submission specialist? Fifty shades of fucked up… .”
Her tirade was stopped when she heard the motor of a car. Looking out of the window she spotted Finn’s vehicle, rolling up to the house where it hadn’t been for weeks. For just a split second, she was relieved to see him, but then the facade started to crumble. Elena was furious.
Well done, Callien.
Her eyes rested on the young man as a little longer as he slammed his car door shut and headed into his house before she shut the curtain, leaving the room. Without hesitation, she went immediately down to the gym, the only place where she wouldn’t ever be disturbed. No matter how loud the music would blast, or how many hours she remained down here, no one would come for her. Her heart was beating in an unnatural rhythm when she began doing her routine. Out of sync. Like her life - not that anyone would notice.
“They really think they can keep fucking me over, dictating my every step… .”
She pressed that out between her teeth while walking towards the weights. One of her least favourite things to do, lifting. Nonetheless she began, counting in her head. Sets of twelve, flies, raises, curls. It was when the music took its turn, that she did too. Without any form of warning, she threw one of the weights towards the wall, leaving a hole. And another.
Ever wondered what madness looks like?
It took less than five minutes to turn the whole thing upside down, caring little about how much work and money Christian had put into this. She kept hitting things, breaking stuff apart. Machines overturned in her anger, dents and holes from tossed weights. Some of the electricity fell out, causing the headlights to flicker.
“It is just another lesson learned: Do not put your hopes in other people!”
Even though she was alone, her voice was reaching a new level of rage. Mixed with the music, she didn’t notice anything around her. Not even when the door opened and her lanky, good-for-nothing, useless brother walked in, just quickly enough ducking out of the way and escaping one of the weights. His eyes were widened with surprise and maybe even a little panic.
“El… .”
And then she saw him. The rest of the world had become black, all her focus was on him. She didn’t walk closer, but stopped in her movement. Her eyes narrowed intently.
“Look who made it home… no wait, temporary home. Till you fuck off again running after that manipulative piece of shit. Don’t think I haven’t noticed how she has her claws in you again, or how badly she wanted to open her square mouth at the hospital. It’s just what she does in her little ‘everyone dislikes me’ world. Guess what, Finn? I don’t give a fuck about it. “
The surprise on his face wasn’t fading - if anything, it grew.
“I’ve been a good sister. I’ve made mistakes, but none of them ever bad enough that I couldn’t look in the mirror anymore. Dickie or you screamed, and I came running, leaving my husband, leaving my kid. Got myself in danger, for all of you.” She looked at him with those dark eyes. “And I would do it again. But did any of you ever ask what I need? No. You expect me to open up when I have to find out about your fuck ups myself.”
“Elena, I… .”
She let out a growl into his direction, kicking some of the trainings supplements aside. She stalked a few steps closer, her hands on her hips, like a lioness surveying prey.
“No. I don’t wanna hear that right now, okay? Your excuses. I hate to tell you, but some of this you really brought upon yourself. I am used to being your number two and I never opened a fuss about it. But, I will not tolerate being accused of ruining your blissful married life. You hear me, Callien? You and her managed to do that yourself. Not me. Not Dickie. Not everything around. I was willing to just stay quiet, let you figure it out yourself. But when I needed you the most… you decided to walk away.”
“I had to… Kei and… .”
She laughed. Once again, a kind of laughter that would make everyone uneasy, and it had that effect on Finn too. One thing went without saying: he’d never seen her like this. She was a paragon of peace, a calm and collected woman, hardly ever complaining.
“We all make fucked up decisions, but you seem to top the rest of us. You knew what kind of person Kei is, but you still let him lead you into the dust. I’ll let you in on a secret: the dirt will never wash off of your hands, no matter how hard you scrub. But even when I found out what you did behind my back, I stayed. I tried to understand your situation and told myself, ‘Hey, that is your Finn. He probably didn’t have any other choice. He is a good guy. The same guy that you would hang out with so many years back. Spending all your time together’, till he never came back. But the truth is, we always have a choice. But most of the time, we walk the easy way.”
“Nothing about this was easy.” Finn’s voice rose, but it wasn’t in argument. He was trying to explain. To make excuses again. “I’m trying to fix all of this, El!”
“But that is the problem, some things you can’t fix! You can’t rip someone apart and then expect them to put it back together as if nothing has ever happened. I am a lot of things, Callien, but I am not idiot. You left me for selfish reasons. You didn’t wanna deal with the uncomfortable questions I would have shot your way.” She hadn’t noticed that her feet kept walking, almost standing in front of him. “So, you took the easy way out, running to her. Letting her pat your ego because that is what she does. Why? Because she wants you back. But for what price? Letting your niece down. Letting me down. That is the difference: I put all of you above my own wishes. I don’t bother you with my bullshit, because I know that in the end no one can help me… .”
Suddenly her voice became softer and her eyes a little watery. Elena felt the tears, but wasn’t ready to let them out. She felt really tired, her body began to shake. The pressure was gone. The anger fading, which was the only thing that had kept her up for so long.
“I am so done, Callien. I’ve got nothing more to give to either of you. I spend my days running around, wearing a fake smile for all of you. You used to know when I was pretending, you were the only one. But now, it seems like you don’t know me at all anymore.”
Right in front of his eyes, she broke, whether he knew it or not. Thinking back herself, she had only cried three times in her life. First time was when he didn’t come back to England. Second time, when they told her that her career was over. And the third time, when her daughter was born. But in this very moment, she couldn’t stop herself. It was either that or throwing up on his shoes.
Her body went completely numb, her mind exhausted. Her stomach churned. She could hear nothing, could see nothing behind those closed dark eyes. She felt as if she could shatter into pieces. But somehow, she noticed him wrapping his arms around her. And she allowed it. Letting him hold her together, because she couldn’t even do it herself now. Neither of them knew how long they stood there in this position. Her breathing became more relaxed, and without warning, she poked him in the ribs.
“You suck.”
“I know.”
You gotta tell him.
I will.